Was I a small enough size? Could I pull off that kind of sexy? Why would I spend money on photos of myself? Why even choose to do this?
For the longest time I faced insecurities about my body image and fought with self esteem issues. I constantly felt that I was never really noticed. All through my high school years I was never once asked out on a date. I attended my senior prom alone.
The relationships I had in high school were all emotionally abusive, one even ending in an order of protection. Bit by bit my budding self esteem was stomped out until I discovered what self-care really was and what it meant. (It helped to have motivating individuals come into my life and push my to be the best version of myself.)
I booked my first ever boudoir session last summer with Teri Casey Photography. Words can’t describe how nervous and excited I was. Up until then I had never had pictures of that caliber done of myself. What really motivated me to book with her was that she was looking for spokes-models and the thought that could do this and help other women feel they could too was even more inspiring. It was an opportunity to share my story and prove I wasn’t just another face in the crowd. It was a chance to bask in my own little ray of sunshine for a while.
I drove just over two hours to the studio in my childhood hometown and was greeted with a smile. Looking around the space was nice but it was obvious it was still in the process of becoming a finished studio. I proceeded to follow her back to start being styled. Hair and makeup finished, we went to pick outfits from her lingerie closet. After choosing outfits that paired well with the few items I had brought along with me,(fur fabric, books) we moved on to the shoot.
While behind the camera she made me feel comfortable, confident and beautiful. She seemed excited while shooting and happy with the photos she took. When we were finished I felt so beautiful and empowered. I couldn’t wait to get my photos back in just a couple of weeks.
Unknowingly to me this is where things began to turn from empowerment to disappointment.
A few weeks past and I had only heard from Casey a couple times. I waited patiently for nearly a month and heard nothing… despite seeing beautiful images of other women on her Facebook group and all the wonderful, empowering comments. I knew many of the women I saw had done shoots after myself, and I felt like one of the main reasons why I had done the shoot had been undermined. I felt forgotten, unnoticed and not good enough to be a part of her image of boudoir. My insecurities, fears and worries were not dissolved, but made more real.
Finally after about two months of lackluster communication, it took my husband messaging her on Facebook to get her to respond to me and at last to get my photos. She sent them to me via Facebook messenger instead of a formal email and in no way apologized or explain the lack of communication and the time it took to receive my photos. She made me feel like a cash-cow instead of a person. After the session it was as if I ceased to matter. I didn’t know if I would ever want to have another boudoir session again……
Then I came across Unveiled.
There seemed to be something different about them, so I began to research them like a detective. I looked at the reviews, the before and after photos, testimonials and website. I stalked their facebook and instagram pages. I wanted to know everything I could after the last time, and even after all my digging I was still on the fence over considering a shoot. Afraid of being treated the way I had been before, I shared my story with them and started to ask questions. They answered and directed me with knowledge and kindness.
I kept watching the photos they posted, seeing all the women they helped empower with the flash of a camera. It was like magic to me. It was at that moment that I knew that I wanted to be apart of that magic.
The evening that I finally made the leap of faith was one that came with waves of emotions. I have to give credit to my amazing husband for pushing me and telling me I should do this, that I needed to do this for myself. I was still asking questions that night before I clicked the button to confirm my shoot date…But I did it, I actually did it. And so this Friday, for my 25th birthday I bought myself something that every woman is deserving of….self care and self love.
I want to share my journey into boudoir thus far and will be back to share my experience with the Unveiled Team.
Till then, Blessed Be Lovelies.
-The Homesteading Witch